How the show man did the ape

Publication: Mooche News
BY The Mooche-2007-12-12

T he relationship between the ape and the show man, though said to be born of folklore, just keeps taking on new meaning and manifesting itself in the minds of many as a microcosm of the world in which we live.

According to legend, there was once a small traveling circus that showcased a big African ape as the main attraction. People wanted to see a real live ape and would travel for miles to attend the show.

They'd pay their admission, buy popcorn, buy hotdogs and cokes, and clap and cheer as the ape performed. The ape was a star to the kids; they were fascinated by his appearance.

The traveling circus was becoming a big success and was beginning to make a lot of money. The man who ran the traveling show was somewhat amazed in the beginning at the success of the show.

However, he soon realized he had himself a winner in the ape, so he thought it wise to start thinking long-term for the future of the show. Having just one ape didn't seem like a good idea since the ape was the show. If something happened to the ape then there would be no show. The show man brought in two more apes and added them to the show.

Before long it was evident that all apes weren't alike; some just were not crowd pleasers, so the show man got rid of the new apes and stuck with his star performer. The show man decided to turn to marketing as a way of strengthening the show.

The idea of putting the ape before the camera was an experiment that showed potential. The show man was told if he could groom the ape and polish him up a little bit, he probably would be a hit before the camera and would probably take marketing to new heights.

The show man tried to groom the ape but with very little success. There were minor improvements but not to the degree the show man was looking for.

The ape just wouldn't let down his guard enough and the show man knew that was a must in order to be marketable before the camera.

One day a strange thing happened that changed the life of the ape and the show man forever. The show man's wife got drunk and wandered over to the ape's cage and started playing with the ape. She sprayed perfume on the ape and was dancing and singing and holding the ape's hand.

The show man came along and saw the interaction between his wife and the ape as something magical. He quickly started instructing his wife to do little experiments on the ape and before long the show man had figured out how to get the ape to lower his guard.

Now that the ape's guard was down the show man attempted to market the ape before the camera. The show man's wife became the ape's handler from that point on with the show man assuming the director's role.

The show man was told that the real money in ape marketing was in the area of having the ape clown and act the fool. The show man's wife taught the ape how to smoke and the 'smoking ape' was a big hit.

She gave the ape drugs and alcohol and dressed him in wild outfits just to please her husband and the marketing folks. The ape didn't seem to mind the way she was handling him and he was sad when she wasn't around.

The show man had finally hit it big, bigger than he could have ever imagined now that the marketing had kicked in. You had the Cadillac people, the cheap wine people, the tennis shoe people, the HFC people, the check cashing people, the cell phone people, all looking for some way the ape could market their product.

The show man and his wife were able to get the ape to play any role imaginable. They marketed the ape sitting in a mansion talking on the phone with his broker,