0% for 12-months vs 29.99% for life

Publication: Mooche News
BY The Mooche-2007-10-21

A big banker decided to sow credit card offers across the country one day and some of the card offers fell in trailer parks, some fell in gated communities and some fell in the ghettos.

The banker set up a network of ventriloquial reapers in Wilmington, India to oversee the gathering of the fruit from the crop of cards and gave them strict instructions to answer to nobody. The banker then sat back in his easy chair, kicked up his heels and navigated to his company's compensation page and smiled has he read the incentive clause in his compensation package.

The banker knew he couldn't lose with the seed he used, so that night he threw a lavish party and invited all his friends who were lobbyists, former intelligence agents, congressmen, National Security Agency (NSA) employees, and just about anybody he knew who had access to massive amounts of personal data or wielded some type of legislative power.

It was a huge celebration with lots with caviar, strippers, and wine. From the banker's penthouse came the sound of many men; carousing-lewd men and drunkards wallowing in greed.

Now here is the meaning of the story

The free card offers that landed in mailboxes throughout the trailer parks received a luke-warm welcome at first but the daily pressures of life and the allure of vanity soon caused these cards to become fashionable to all who possessed them. Within three months these cards began to produce fruit starting at 19.99% for the banker.

The banker also reaped other miscellaneous rewards from periodic charges on these cards. The subjects that received these cards felt indebted to the banker for having faith in them and giving them access to things they could only dream of. They decided they didn't like talking to India, so they didn't question any of the addendums to their contracts.

Their admiration for the banker was so strong until it carried over into their politics and the banker knew although his newfound friends were in low places, they proved to be very loyal and he could count on them when it came time to vote on matters dear to the banker.

The free card offers that fell into the mailboxes throughout the gated communities spawned visions of more possibilities. How best to use them to one's advantage was the only concern.

Receiving these cards were nothing new, in fact, these cards were merely a continuation of a long line of 0.0% interest for 12-months cards. The only challenge was to remember when the 12-month free period ended, so you could transfer to another card. The subjects found these cards to be perfect for whacking any wretched interest that was hanging around in their lives. They also took advantage of sales and dealer closeouts, knowing they could buy now and not worry about hidden costs later.

The banker's guidelines for using the cards outlined what could happen if they didn't comply, but these guidelines were very basic and these folks had no problems meeting them. This created such an outpouring of appreciation for the banker until everything the banker stood for became sacred to these subjects. They even sacrificed their children to the banker. The banker knew these cards were not producing typical credit card fruit, but they were producing something else that was even more valuable; something that exceeds the mere bounty collected from credit card interest, and that is one's soul.

The banker was shrewd and had a wide net of interests and he knew that the more wandering capitalistic souls there were on the loose, the better the overall catch would be.

The free card offers that landed in mailboxes in the ghettos were graciously accepted without a second thought. The subjects receiving these cards were so in need until all discretion went out the window.

Not only were the terms overlooked, but the frenzied spending quickly maxed out the cards and within two months these folks were caught up in the banker's ventriloquos customer service network trying to extend the credit line on an account that carries a 29.99% interest rate. They even told their friends about the generosity of the banker and urged them to call and get the same deal.

The banker felt no remorse over the exorbitant rates because he was operating in a redlined area, so the law allowed him to charge extra for whatever percieved risks he thought he was taking. When asked why operate there at all, he said "those people need help" and his organization wanted to be there for them. He even pointed out that congress allows him by law to collect up front fees for doing any business the banker deems risky. The banker knew this was an insane practice but the banker was very versed in the laws of the land and did his part to maintain the status quo.